Working Moms vs. Stay At Home Moms: Which Do We Value More?

There’s probably no touchier subject than comparing stay-at-home moms with working moms. Decades of cultural engineering have gone into persuading generations that a woman’s place is no longer in the home because she’s more valuable in the work place. Well, maybe, but I don’t think so.

I’ll admit, up front, that I have a bias. I was a stay at home mom after giving up my “career” and I have always considered it the best thing that could have happened in my life, and the best thing for my children. But let’s be clear–I am not criticizing women for choosing to work outside the home.

Over time I merely wish to reintroduce the idea that stay at home mothering is more valuable to children and our culture than we have been socially engineered to believe.

There is great value in women choosing careers, especially in this culture. I’ll elaborate on that at another time.

In April of 2014 Pew Research Center released a study that found that stay-at-home moms was a trend on the rise after decades of decline. 2012 saw a 6 percent increase, since “a modern-era low of 23% in 1999,” in moms who chose to stay home with their children.

Pew said it was a reversal from a three previous decade slide in the other direction.

And traditional marriages represented the largest number in this trend: “The largest share consists of ‘traditional’ married stay-at-home mothers with working husbands. They made up roughly two-thirds of the nation’s 10.4 million stay-at-home mothers in 2012. In addition to this group, some stay-at-home mothers are single, cohabiting or married with a husband who does not work,” reported the Pew the study.

There was evidence in the study that some women chose to stay at home because they could not find employment during the recession beginning in 2007, between 2010 and 2012 the number of stay at home moms grew to 29% up three points from 2008.

And how does this affect children?

In 2014, at the time this study was released: “About three-in-ten children (28%) in the U.S. today are being raised by a stay-at-home mother. This totaled 21.1 million in 2012 out of 74.2 million Americans younger than 18,⁸ up from 17.3 million (24% of children) in 2000. In 1970, 48% of children (34 million) had a mother who stayed at home,” reported PEW.

“One-in-five U.S. children today are living in a household with a married stay-at-home mother and her working husband. In 1970, 41% of children lived in this type of household. In 2012, 5% of children (3.7 million) lived with a single stay-at-home mother, and 1% (992,000) with a cohabiting stay-at-home mother. An additional 1.5 million children (2% of the total) lived with married parents who were both out of the paid workforce.

“Most children today, regardless of race or ethnicity, are growing up with a working mother. Asian and Hispanic children are the most likely to be raised by stay-at-home mothers—37% and 36%, respectively, were in 2012. That compares with 26% of white children and 23% of black children,” according to the study.

How does the culture, at large, feel about stay at home moms?

Generally, it’s widely accepted that a parent at home to raise the kids is  better than not having a parent at home.

The study states: “Despite the fact that most mothers in the U.S. work at least part time, many Americans continue to believe that having a mother who stays at home is beneficial for a young child, though as is often the case with public opinion variations in question wording elicit slightly different responses. A recent Pew Research survey focusing on “parents,” rather than just on mothers, asked Americans which statement came closer to their view: First, children are better off when a parent stays home to focus on the family; or second, children are just as well off when their parents work outside the home. Fully six-in-ten adults chose the first statement and only about one-third (35%) chose the second statement.¹⁸

“Men (65%) are somewhat more likely than women to say children are better off when a parent stays home. But even among women, 55% say having a parent at home is better for a child. Four-in-ten women say children are just as well off when their parents work outside the home.”

There are demographic differences that influence differences in this option, of course.

My point in writing this post is to illustrate that the culture doesn’t really value women in the home anymore and I believe that is mostly fueled by the destruction family courts are spreading across the country like fertilizer.

In 2014 Emma Johnson of Wealthy Single Mommy points out a cold hard truth that directly opposes the PEW study. In her post she bluntly points out that stay-at-home-moms are simply not valued, regardless of what the rest of the culture thinks.

No matter how many children a divorcing mother has or how young they are, women are extremely likely to get the boot out of the home after a marriage disintegrates. So much for the value of stay at home moms and best interests of children. Money rules, and female judges are leading the charge in diminishing the value of the work mothers do at home.

“In the war of mommies, the increasing numbers of female judges (who are firmly in the working mothers camp) have their say. And they say being a SAHM does not count as work,” writes Johnson.

Their video is stunningly eye opening.

And she concludes: “And as more women take the ranks of the courts, there is less legal inclination for alimony — especially when the petitioner is an educated woman who chooses not to earn a living.”

So you can see the culture erosion happening from family courts who have complete authority to undermine family values and decisions made in marriages.

For a country that has cherished the family foundation as a way of life since its inception, we’ve certainly come a long way from that value system, for a multitude of reasons. It’s a sad, sad commentary and not one that’s like to find it’s way back to it’s roots anytime soon.

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